You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
