you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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