Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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