There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
