i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
