she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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