is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize