if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
