You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
