what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
