If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
