what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
