I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
