I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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