Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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