so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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