You really coming over, don't trick.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
