obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
