You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize