...so i touched it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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