please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
