I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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