So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
