its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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