The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
