Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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