I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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