Since when is my name a synonym for head?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize