Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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