As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
