I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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