there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
there is puke in my bra ... again
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