My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
