so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
how drunk are you?
Several
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
