a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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