gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
