So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
