i don't like sucking hair
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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