dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
