omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We talked him into tasing himself.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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