Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
