Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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