i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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