I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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