Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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