her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
