lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
