He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
