The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your penis caused this!
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