Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
