make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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