My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize