Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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