Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
