Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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