Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
