Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
