the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
