SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He felt like a one man threesome
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
