Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he just fucked me for my cheese.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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