she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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