I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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