well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
