After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
