Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
