two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
