No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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