you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
