I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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