Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
