If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you traded sex for a burrito?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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