put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
