i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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