Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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