last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize