her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
