Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize