fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
