Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
