1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
