I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
