I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize