Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
