Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
