This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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