Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
