I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
