Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
