I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
