Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
