This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize