I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
