just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
