don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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