You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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