Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
