you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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