The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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