The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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