this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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