if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
