I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
