People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
