I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
