So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
