And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am one with the molecules
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize