The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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