She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
