He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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