I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
